One of the things I love the most about my company is their commitment to work-life balance. While I work a lot of hours, it’s certainly by choice, and because I’m just really jazzed about what I do. I work because I love it, because I’m passionate about it, and because I’d like to think I’m good at it. But, for those times when I’m feeling a little worn out, I really like that my company encourages separation.
When I’m not working on agency specific projects, you’ll still find me online. Browsing the Web, catching up on articles, scrolling through trending topics, gchatting, Facebooking, or just catching up with friends. I am quite literally always connected (with the exception of a tiny bit of sleep here and there and the shower, which I did try once to bring my laptop in with me…that was really difficult to explain to Apple Care), and three people pointed that very fact out to me this week.
Scenario Numero Uno:
My boss overheard me talking with a colleague about Four Square. Missing part of the conversation, she chimed in.
Boss: My son loves that game!
Me: (knowing full well her son is 9, but not really processing it) He has an iPhone??
No surprise, she shoots me a disapproving look.
Boss: Geez, Jess, there’s more to life than the Internet!
I have to admit, I was a little taken back. I tremendously admire for her commitment and dedication to the agency and the clients we serve, and from what I’ve seen, that dedication comes with a Blackberry and unlimited data plan.
Scenario Two:
A friend came in town from New York this weekend, and while at dinner I pull out my phone. He shoots me that same boss-like-disapproving-glare. I blink and stare blankly at him.
Friend: There will come a time, Jessica, where you will be so committed to your phone and your online self that you’ll no longer have real life connections. There’s only so many times friends are willing to go to dinner with your phone.
Me: …
It’s not like I haven’t heard his or my boss’ comments from other people before. I’ve never had an easy time pulling myself “off-the-grid” and it’s strained friendships (more like acquaintances)/relationships (we were doomed anyway more than likely).
I back burnered the comments, and moved on. After all, there is a lot of content on the Web waiting to be viewed, and I’m dedicated to perpetuating in a constant state of information overload.
Until tonight when I received a text from my best friend. Scenario III:
You see, my best friend had a baby in July, and may be is the absolute best mother in the entire world. Her dedication to the health of her child is literally legendary, and being my best friend, she wants to (and should) share that with me. What she doesn’t say in this text above (because she’s a great friend and knows me), but she’s certainly implying, is that because I’m pinged constantly, I’ve started to provide my best friend canned responses. And that is just totally Lame.
Where do I draw the line between building my (and I shudder to say this phrase because I hate it so much) “personal brand” and still have time to be personal with the people that matter most? Where do I find that real life balance? And what’s the cost?
OK, so there’s someone out there who is getting as much flak from coworkers and friends as I am.
I’ll admit, went to dinner with a friend tonight and we each only pulled our iPhones out for about a minute… to check in on Foursquare
Actively “trying” to build a personal brand means that you aren’t being you, and are rather trying to portray…something…out to others. I see it all over the place, and think it is kind of silly.
You know how I build my personal brand and rep? By just being me. I am the same in person as I am on Twitter, Facebook, Foursquare, at social media events, or hanging out with close friends. That is GENUINE.
It is all about being genuine, and also focusing in on just being real. You won’t ever get a canned response from me, but you’ll always get a real one that is “full of Andru,” if you will.
You feel me?
Andru – Well said, excellent advice. If you cannot be yourself, building your “brand”, then what personal brand will you end up with? Jessica, you’re a fast learner, I’ll think you’ll pick it up quickly!
I wouldn’t go as far as to say that I’m not being genuine, I sincerely care, and I think that’s obvious to people that engage with me. At least I hope it is. If not, and if not that’s a much bigger issue.
What I’m saying is more about information overload, and not being able to find a good balance. Where do I dial back on (Facebook, Twitter, IM (iChat, Skype, MSN, gchat), interoffice IM, e-mail, gmail, listservs, blogs, breaking news, RSS feeds, Google Wave, Google Voice, text messages, etc., etc. etc)?
I’m sure it’s a learning curve, like Warren said, and I hope I learn quickly what’s worth the time investment and what’s not. So that way, when I am talking with friends/family, not only are they getting a genuine response, but that I am more cognoscente of taking the time to give them more than what 140-characters can provide.
The fact that you’re thinking about it shows self-awareness. That’s good. You’ll figure out what makes sense for you, and growth (unfortunately) usually comes from pain. Take some consolation in the fact that you’re not alone and that the learning curve is there for all of us. From a historical perspective, these are new tools and we all need to learn how to make them work for us and not _us for them_. cheers
I know exactly where you are right now and it’s the EXACT reason you haven’t seen me online much the past two weeks. It took me over 2 years of working my tail off to get where I am and didn’t have time for offline life…..man was I wrong. Spending more time with friends, family, and doing the things that I used to do offline like crochet and watch a movie are what’s truly making me happy right now. I know it’s easy for me because I do stay home, so I can take a break whenever but I know how much my husband appreciated me NOT taking my iphone out to dinner with us or to the football game. Seeing his expression when I did taught me a lesson. Life is too short to live online……you CAN make small changes that make big differences.
I’m currently down in Dallas from NYC for meetings. Originally, I dhad planned a blizzard of 10 meetings over 2 days and a lot of networking at a charity event last night, but in the end have only taken 3 meetings and spoken to some close friends at the party and it was one of the best trips I’ve taken. I deepened relationships and learned a lot.
A friend gave me a kind of silly, but actually quite on-target, book — Jeffrey Gitomer’s Little Black Book of Connections. The book in summary: “The quality of your relationships determines their fate.” I know a lot of people casually but how many can I call at 2am? If I’m neglecting these 2am people — neglecting to help them in their journeys, to seek their counsel, to be their friend — then my real network is sick.
We’ve all formed strong relationships based on a lark: the dumb networking event where we ended up making fun of the proceedings with someone in a corner, the random person at the coffee shop, etc, and these seemingly random successes have encouraged us to “be out there” all the time, but the Return on Investment of “being out there” is generally very low, and it has diminishing returns the closer we get to knowing our true goals.
I write about hedge funds and, since I have their ear, many vendors try to connect for meetings. Some of them will be worthwhile, but it is a far better use of my time to continue seeking out those types of people that I KNOW have yielded good information in the past. Marketing people are necessarily obsessed with being known, and I wouldn’t think much of a Twitter “expert” with 90 followers, but just because someone has 2,000 followers doesn’t mean that they aren’t simply being followed by all the other marketers in a self-fulfilling circle of adulation. Results are still what matters, and good connections produce good results. I know that when I take care of my friends, everything else falls into place.
I’m the friend with the baby from Scenario III and I think your readers deserve another perspective. After I called you on your odd response (I promise, it looks odder if you start reading the thread earlier.), you didn’t get upset or defensive. You ran with the whole intern bit. Because of that, I now have another great memory of us goofing around, another inside joke that makes me feel special, and a cameo on your blog, instead of feeling like maybe you weren’t listening.
I showed my husband our text thread and he commented that you live in a constant state of information overload. I told him that you always have. Jessica, I will always go to dinner with your phone and I won’t resent it, because it will be just like it always has been. Being on the grid is such a part of who you are and what you do now only because it lets you keep up with people. Take the people element out of the internet and you’d be gone.
Your social tendencies used to bother me; I would get jealous of the other people in your life who you graced with your charm and smiles. But I was young (about seven) and have since seen the situation from a new perspective. I know now that hiding you under a cardboard box is not fair to the rest of the world, to you, or even to myself.
You have always been very demanding of yourself (Not a judgment, just an observation). You are a social diplomat. Instead of calling me for rambling on about something that you have no reason to be interested in (You’re talking about diapers again? Boring.), you focus on that fact that you responded with that you call a canned response. I call it zoning. Everyone does it. I’m sure someone is doing it right now, reading this. And you know what? I would never hold that against you. Do you know why? Because when it’s important and I need you, you are there, in a heartbeat, without a second thought. You always have been. So, if you need to zone out on me once in a while as I ramble on about trivial things in life, go right ahead.
Time for the bad analogy: I liken you to a diamond, Jessica. Beautiful, valuable, and lots of other great things in and of yourself. And the people you surround yourself with are like light. Without them, you are still beautiful and valuable, but with them, you shine. The better the light, the more you glitter. You have to find the balance of light that suits you best.
You wouldn’t be you if you weren’t constantly in the thick of things. And I’m so proud of you that you’ve found a job you love and a field that utilizes your amazing natural talent. Once upon a time, when I was seven, I might have wanted to change the way you are so I could have more of you to myself. Now, I wouldn’t change you for the world. I think you’re awesome the way you are, and if people can’t appreciate and respect that, then that is just totally Lame.
You never fail, Mar. You always know exactly what to say. Thank you for accepting me and still loving me for everything that I am.
I’m always here to listen to you talk about diapers.
Jessica,
Good post. I think because of the line of business we are in, information overload is expected. We are supposed to read everything we can get our hands on, try all the latest social media services, know enough about a variety of things, etc., etc. Folks that aren’t in the communications business just don’t get the connectivity thing — that’s our job, to be connected. In my role in MS&L’s Boston office, I have to be the information overload guy. I am , in essence, the social media geek and the team looks to me to keep us on the edge of this information overload world. The kicker is, I enjoy it and have been doing it for so long that I no longer look like the crazy one — now I am just part of the crowd.
I just now discovered you have a blog. Does that count in your “I’m not totally a cyborg” argument? Feel free to use it.
Jessica,
After reading her reply, I think you need to figure out how to bottle the essence of your friend Mary and sell it — that was one of the most thoughtful, supportive, eloquent replies to a friend I’ve ever read. Very impressive and uplifting even to me, who doesn’t even know her, to see that kind of unconditional support being extended. You’re lucky to have her in your life!
PK