After attending my first official New York City Social Media Mixer last night (Digital Somethings at Roger Smith Hotel), it got me thinking – I’m really bad at meeting people.
It’s not that I don’t engage. It’s not that I don’t have conversations, or feel a connection with a lot of wonderful people at social functions. My problem is that I don’t ask questions. I spend way too much time talking about myself. Surprise, huh? A social media/public relations person who is a little too self-involved?
When a friend asked me last night what someone (who I had been talking to for more than 15 minutes) did for a living, I couldn’t believe my answer.
Me: “I honestly have no idea.”
My friend: “Really? You were talking with them for an awfully long time.”
Me: “Huh, gosh, that sucks. No, literally no idea, maybe something in social media?”
MF: While laughing, “You mean like everyone else here? What was there name/twitter name, you could probably look it up.”
Me: “You know, I have no idea. None. I spent the entire time talking about myself. Wow, that sucks. I suck.”
MF: ……
I’m not going to lie to you, when I realized it; I was a little thrown off. How could I be so self-centered? How could I not be asking more questions? And although I’ve always been known for being a connector, it seems like it’s happening more and more that I have no idea what people do for a living or what they enjoy.
The last thing I want to do is live the stereotype (and forgive me, but we all know it’s true) of being a self-centric social marketing flack. That’s just so passé. So 2009. So here’s how I’m planning to fix it in 2010 – my “how to” meet people:
- Spend more time looking at and engaging in conversation with people I meet, and less time looking at my phone and tweeting who I’m meeting. Stop using my iPhone as a crutch/defensive mechanism.
- Say their name throughout the conversation so I can remember. Or get a card (which I’ll be honest with you I hhhattteeeeeee business cards because of the one time I poked myself in the eye with one, but that’s another story) and write something unique about them on the back. For example, “Billy <3s comics, hates gardening.”
- Ask what they do and think of someone in my network that they could benefit from and vice versa. Try to make an introduction (which means I’d have to get their information).
- Schedule time in my week (like Tuesdays at 8 am) to follow up with the people I met that week.
What about you, is it something you struggle with? How do you make sure you remember people/connect with them later? Are you spending time asking questions/listening or are you just talking?
I will answer your questions if you tel the eye-poke story. thx
I will tell you on Sunday, and if you think appropriate I will broadcast it on my blog. Thx.
Soo does that mean you will spend more time with ya family?
I actually find myself asking more questions about people just to keep the conversation going. I think face to face socializing is a dying art that technology is slowly snuffing out, but i digress.
Glad you are realizing this about yourself. The next step is to actually care about people. Pretending to care because you think you should is sociopathic.