When I was 16, I worked with my high school sweetheart in our small town’s coffee shop. We met there the summer before my senior year, he was already a couple years out of school, and soon after meeting we fell deeply into teen angst filled love. We coordinated our schedules to always work at the same time (having someone you’re crushing on at work certainly makes the work day more pleasant).
fell for him because of mad latte graphic skills
Our relationship lasted into the following summer and when the pressure of me moving away for college started to mount, our adolescent love couldn’t handle the pressure. And the coffee shop couldn’t either, we had to close down for two days just to reevaluate scheduling.
As silly as the situation may have been, it was very real emotion. Even now when I go home and see my high school love (who still works at the coffee shop) it makes my heart sigh just a little. But I’m grateful for him because of what I learned from the experience – don’t dip into the company ink, like ever.
As I’ve become more active in the online community the lines of what is my “company ink” has started to get, well, a little blotchy.
I’ve heard the question a lot over the past few months (with strong recommendations that argue both sides), do you date within the “space”? Can I date people that are active in my online community? Or any online community with potential cross over? If it doesn’t work out, will we broadcast whatever horrible dirt we uncover on twitter and/or Facebook? Is the action worth the risk?
Since I spend so much time working and hanging out with people that work in social media it’s only natural that I find people both online and at tweet ups that I find attractive. And when someone is doing something incredibly unique or has some amazing insight or new way of thinking, how do you fight being drawn to that? And if you can and do, do the people you meet outside the space really get what you do? And do you have the time in between tweets, e-mails, status updates, blog posts and DMs to really explain it? And if you do explain it and they understand it, will they forgive you when you walk down the aisle with your iPhone hidden in your bouquet so that you can live stream the event?
This made me appreciate how I met my spouse before the whole social media craze took off. Your point is well-taken and very well written. Enjoyed this post a lot. Made me think about some of the jobs I held in college and high school. I’m glad nobody was able to break up with me via Facebook status.
Great perspective on the merging of professional and personal lives in the social media realm. Much has been said regarding social media and other online professionals blending work and play, having mobile offices, sending important e-mails on vacation, etc. Interesting to consider if a line must be drawn, especially since there are people who understand social media, “get” what you do, and therefore may be considered more attractive than those who stare at you blankly every time you mention Twitter and blogging. But even then, is it wise to begin a relationship with someone who empathizes with your social media endeavors? Should we consider this “social” medium less personal and more professional to save face?
This is a very interesting perspective. There is a lot to be said for the traditional view of not dipping into the company ink, but I don’t think that the social norms and standards have caught up with the rapid advance of communication technology. Thanks to programs such as Second Life, it is possible for people to lead multiple lives, all while at work or on the plane heading some place, or even while sitting in the local coffee shop.
I think that this is worthy of a deeper look, not just at the level of understanding the company ink metaphor, but at understanding the basics of human communication and interaction and how technology has begun to revolutionize our thoughts and understandings of this.
Anyway, my $0.02 worth.
I’ve always wondered how single people in the tech/geek space handle this. Since I’m married, it’s never been an issue, but how do you handle it when you’ve met somebody by social networking that it turns out you dig?
I think over a long enough timeline, this kind of thing will be practically unavoidable. Just think of how our children will interact via the internet and whatever form social media takes on at that age. Better then that we be somewhat adult about dipping in that ink so that future generations have positive examples of it working.
I guess what I’m saying is go ahead and sleep with your online friends, just do it with the ones that won’t be a total ass about it if/when things fall apart. But no matter who it is, no pictures or video… ever! Having naked pics online is embarrassing enough without having the most compromising parts of your body tagged on Facebook by smartass ex-lovers.
The girl I dated earlier this year was an active Twitter user in Seattle, and I found it worked out just fine. Being in the ’space’ isn’t a problem. We no longer follow oneanother on Twitter (I broke up with her on GChat).
Thanks everyone for your comments, and the truth is I don’t have an answer to provide. My thinking is that if I like someone enough that I want to spend additional time with them (whether they are or are not in the space), I do what any normal person who likes someone would do. Ask them to coffee, lunch, IM, etc.
The difference with social media folks is that until you have a firm understanding of one another, you have to avoid saying anything provocative that you wouldn’t want tweeted out or reposted elsewhere. But that would remain true no matter what, right? In an age where anything can be viral and spread instantly to thousands and thousands of people we have to be more careful about what we say (which unfortunately includes hitting on and flirting to some degree).
I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad thing, though. Our mom’s favorite life lesson is finally catching up to us as a useful application — think before you speak (tweet).
So…go ahead, date someone in your online community. Just be weary that everything you do could end up online….oh and you might find out you got broken up with on Facebook or GChat (as Cameron said). And well, that just plain sucks.
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This post was mentioned on Twitter by JessicaRandazza: New blog post: Dipping in the Company Ink? http://bit.ly/7qItS...
Eh, I dunno. This is a tough one. If you date someone in your SM community that you don’t know real well but you think you do (i.e. you met at an event and totally clicked, or you’ve been following the person on Twitter and feel like you totally get their mojo), then you inhereit huge risk. Because your lover today could be your client tomorrow.
Maybe it’s just worse in DC where it’s such a small community/city for a large town that everything becomes accentuated more. I do tend to get along with women in such a way that could be described as more than professional but less than romantic that are not regionally close to me as there is a physical wall of separation, but when people all live and breathe the same air, dating inside your community is definitely tricky.
On the other hand, I don’t have the patience to try to convey whats going on in my digital life, a major part of me, to someone who just doesn’t get any of it.